If you have not already seen this video about Thomas, watch it, it will break your heart and fill you with a peace that you do not understand.
I just watched this video with my husband and I cried because my heart was broken for Thomas's parents. I cried because death is so scary and so final. My heart wondered if anyone can ever truly heal from this type of tragedy. I felt a wave of guilt because today I was frustrated at Cole because he was fussy and I could not get anything done. I am sure many grieving parents would be blessed to care for a child even if he was fussy. How small I felt for complaining today, my precious son is alive.
A few minutes after the video ended Cole woke up screaming and this is very unusual for him. He has a tooth coming in and we thought he could be in pain or he has a dirty diaper (our child will not sleep with a poopy diaper). Chris wanted to check on him but a few seconds after he left the room, I followed him. Normally he would accuse me of not trusting him but I think he knew I just needed to kiss my baby. I admit that I needed to hold my son after watching this story about Thomas. We gave him some Tylenol and I volunteered to rock him back to sleep. As I slowly rocked in the dark room, my tears started pouring. I am so sad for my sister and my brother-in-law. They will be saying goodbye to their only daughter and I in my safe and perfect world can not imagine how they will do this. But even more confusing is how will they find joy in their moments with Adelle. Unlike the couple on the video and I would be begging and screaming to God. Tonight in my selfishness I thanked God for giving me a healthy son. But in the quietness of the room, I remembered something someone told me " Our children are never really ours, God only gives them to us for a time. He loves them more than we ever could and he will do what is best for them." I realized that although I can thank God for a healthy son, he may not be healthy tomorrow. I wondered will Cole bury me when I am an old woman or will I bury my son. So instead I thanked God for the moment I had to hold my son close and feel his warm breath on my neck. Thank you God for each breath you give him and thank you for allowing me to love and care for your child.
I pray Father, that you allow my sister and brother-in-law to feel the warmth of Adelle's body and her breath against their skin. May they experience a lifetime of love through a tender kiss on her cheek.
